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Verily the flesh of the swine has been encouraged for you

Postby Starky » Tue Jan 19, 2016 11:18 pm

James' vegetarian chilli surprise and its various permutations I've tried out got me thinking about where else we could replace beef with pork like a boss. Resent the high price and low quality of supermarket beef? Concerned about the environmental impact of beef farming? Just plain love pork? This is the thread for pork.

Mince and pasta

Usually serves 5 or 6 people; probably 4 though if they're hungry bantermerchants.

Ingredients

500g pork mince (head, neck and jowl are brilliant if you have a choice of cuts for mincing, but any'll do)
2-3 slices of bacon, cut into smallish bits
1 tin of chopped tomatoes
3 average-sized fresh tomatoes, sliced
3 average-sized red onions, cut to your liking
(other veggies if you want)
garlic
olive oil
beef stock cube
mixed herbs
cheap/open-a-bit-too-long red wine
cinnamon stick
bay leaves
instant coffee
pepper (and salt)

Method

1. In a big pot, heat a good glug of olive oil. Fry your onions for a few minutes until brown(ing) to your liking. Add the garlic and continue for a minute or so.
2. Add the mince and break up and stir, then wang in the bacon.
3. Throw in about two teaspoons of mixed herbs and a bit of pepper and, if you insist, salt. Stir and keep heating for a bit until the mince and bacon are reasonably cooked. Skim/pour off excess fat (if any - depends on the cut) - you can save this for later egg-frying etc in a sealed container in the fridge.
4. Add about a large glass worth of your wine, stir and cook for a couple of minutes.
5. Add the tinned tomatoes and fresh tomatoes. Crumble in the stock cube. Wang in the bay leaves (2-3ish) and cinnamon stick. Sprinkle in a teaspoon or slightly less of instant coffee. Stir well.
6. Low simmer, stirring fairly often, for at least 30 minutes (preferably more). Taste occasionally: when it starts getting notably cinnamony (usually about 20 minutes), remove and discard the cinnamon stick.
7. Toss the bay leaves and stir in more pepper. Salt more if you really think it needs it.
8. Serve with wholewheat penne, grated cheddar, red wine and salad.

Comments

Scrumptious. You'll wonder why you ever made it with beef.

You can also mix it up by topping it with crumbled blue cheese instead of grated parmesan/cheddar.
Iakobus1 wrote:
smr wrote:This is a thread I wasn't sure was exactly suitable for the "Sports" forum :P


True, but we sadly don't have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.

Brainwave: we should have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.


Jose Mourinho wrote:The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.


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Re: Verily the flesh of the swine has been encouraged for yo

Postby Starky » Mon Mar 14, 2016 1:05 pm

Shashlik/souvlaki

This is a kind of bastardisation of both. I do it with a plugin countertop grill but you can grill/BBQ it however you like with some modifications to cooking time and heat. Makes 8-9 skewers.

Ingredients

500g pork (pretty much any cut except belly is fine, but I usually use shoulder), cut into about 2cm cubes
tomatoes, quartered
mushrooms, halved if needed
onions, quartered
vodka (cheapest you can get)
squeezy mustard
honey
black pepper

Preparation

1. Slice pork into about 2cm cubes or strips, leaving some but not a huge amount of the fat, and making sure to remove any stray bits of bone.
2. For the marinade, wang a tablespoon each of honey and mustard, slightly less than a tablespoon of pepper and about 125ml vodka into a large pot or bowl. Mix well with a whisk.
3. Put your pork into the pot and coat each piece thoroughly with the marinade. You can pierce the meat with a fork so that the marinade gets easily inside but I'm not sure this makes a big difference.
4. Cover and leave in the fridge overnight (or at least 2-3 hours).

Cooking

1. Turn your grill to maximum heat.
2. Chop your veggies per preference, and arrange them on wood or metal skewers between the bits of meat.
3. Once your grill's as hot as it'll get, bung on the skewers.
4. Cook for about 10 minutes on maximum heat, turning occasionally and making sure that they're cooked on all sides.
5. Serve with rice or chips and tzatziki (never low fat), tahina and salad.
6. Never want a chicken kebab again in your life.

Comments

cunting amazing
Iakobus1 wrote:
smr wrote:This is a thread I wasn't sure was exactly suitable for the "Sports" forum :P


True, but we sadly don't have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.

Brainwave: we should have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.


Jose Mourinho wrote:The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.


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Re: Verily the flesh of the swine has been encouraged for yo

Postby Starky » Mon Mar 28, 2016 8:30 am

Iakobus1 wrote:
smr wrote:This is a thread I wasn't sure was exactly suitable for the "Sports" forum :P


True, but we sadly don't have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.

Brainwave: we should have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.


Jose Mourinho wrote:The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.


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Starky
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Re: Verily the flesh of the swine has been encouraged for yo

Postby Starky » Wed Jul 20, 2016 9:01 am

Lard

Ingredients

500g pork fat
c.125ml water

Preparation

1. Put the fat in the freezer for a short time before you start: it'll be easier to cut if it's firmer.
2. Slice the fat into fairly small cubes, removing any hair or bits of bone. You don't need to worry about getting all of the meat/blood off: if anything it's probably better to keep some on because you can pick it off and munch it during rendering which is awesomely delicious.

Cooking

1. Wang the fat cubes into a large pot and pour over about half a lowball glass of water. Set it on the hob, lowest heat, and cover.
2. Stir every half hour or so - after a couple of hours you should see it starting to melt.
3. After a decent amount of liquid fat builds up (could be up to 3-5 hours), strain what you can into a glass jar with a small sieve or a tea strainer.
4. Repeat step 3 as needed (this just helps the remaining solid fat to render more quickly I find).
5. Once almost all of the fat is rendered and there's just a wee bit clinging to the brown bits, put the cap on your jar and put it in the fridge once it's cool.
6. Don't bin the brown leftover bits in the pan! We need them to make crackles.

Much like making my own cheese, I found rendering my own lard to be really empowering despite it taking a long time. Even if you're in a country that is not majority Muslim and lard is available in shops, I would still recommend trying this for a few reasons. Probably the main one is that most supermarket lard is designed for baking and cooking pastries: it has very little pork flavour or aroma remaining. That's ideal of course if you're using it to make sweet pastries, but I use lard for frying and roasting, and I love potatoes with a hint of pork. Retaining the taste and smell of pork is why I'm not discerning about where on the animal the fat has come from or how much meat remains on it during rendering.

Uses are numerous. The classic is chips, of course (see other thread) - lard is the best crispifier you can find and homemade stuff like this gives them that extra yummy porkiness. Battered fish/prawns should also be cooked with lard. Try replacing duck/goose fat with lard when roasting potatoes.

That's not all, though. We also have crackles.

Pork crackles

Simply turn up the heat on the remaining contents of the pot. The crackles will start to pop and crackle. Once they're crisped up, sprinkle with a bit of salt, chili powder and lemon juice and eat as a snack. You can also add them to other dishes to enhance the meat flavour.
Iakobus1 wrote:
smr wrote:This is a thread I wasn't sure was exactly suitable for the "Sports" forum :P


True, but we sadly don't have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.

Brainwave: we should have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.


Jose Mourinho wrote:The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.


Spoiler: show
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Starky
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Jeremy Kyle's Illegitimate Son, Soon To Be Emasculated On His Show
 
Posts: 2805
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Re: Verily the flesh of the swine has been encouraged for yo

Postby Starky » Thu Jan 19, 2017 7:30 pm

Cypriotted spaghetti carbonara

Of course, spaghetti carbonara is usually made with pork, but I'm putting this here because the Cypriot twist on it gives it a unique flavour. Lountza is pork loin or tenderloin smoked and stored in red wine then cut into slices like bacon; hard anari is the cheese made from leftover halloumi whey salted and aged. Replace with the usual streaky bacon and parmesan or equivalent if not in Cyprus and you still have a recipe to give you consistent results.

ingredients (for 2 portions)

spaghetti, wholewheat
smallish onion, chopped fairly thinly
2-3ish garlic cloves, mashed
6 slices of lountza, chopped fairly thinly
2 eggs
grated anari, about a cereal bowl's worth
c.2tsp ground black pepper

method

1. Start your spaghetti in the usual way.
2. Take a good-sized frying pan over a high heat and put in the lountza. Fry until it's a bit brown to your liking and a bit of fat is released.
3. In goes the onion and garlic; mix up and fry to your liking. Turn off the heat, leave and let the pan cool a bit.
4. Mix two eggs and a good few twists of pepper into the cheese with a fork.
5. Add the eggy cheese to the frying pan and mix up.
6. Drain the spaghetti, saving some of the water (just a wee bit in the bottom should do it).
7. Add the pasta and water to the frying pan and mix everything up well, making sure to scrape the bottom of the pan a bit and get that flavour in really well.
8. Plate up, top with more grated anari, pepper and parsley if you like, and tuck in.

Fantastic and oh so easy. The wininess of the lountza gives it a unique flavour; try it with a bit of garlic bread and a lightish red (say your basic Keo).
Iakobus1 wrote:
smr wrote:This is a thread I wasn't sure was exactly suitable for the "Sports" forum :P


True, but we sadly don't have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.

Brainwave: we should have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.


Jose Mourinho wrote:The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.


Spoiler: show
Image
Starky
User avatar
Jeremy Kyle's Illegitimate Son, Soon To Be Emasculated On His Show
 
Posts: 2805
Joined: Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:41 pm
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Highscores: 6

Re: Verily the flesh of the swine has been encouraged for yo

Postby Starky » Tue Jan 24, 2017 10:18 pm

Why not Cyprify your standard frozen pizza too?

1. Have a link sausage sandwich for breakfast; save the fat in the pan.
2. In the evening, whip out your supermarket value frozen pizza and scatter over the top the sausage fat (melted slightly in the same pan and scraped out), a decent amount of torn halloumi, a handful of kalamata olives after destoning and a wee pinch each of dried oregano, mint and basil.
3. Bake for about 10-12 minutes on 220ish, turning halfway or as needed.
4. Top with a bit of freshly ground black pepper and serve with lemonade.

Deliciousness.
Iakobus1 wrote:
smr wrote:This is a thread I wasn't sure was exactly suitable for the "Sports" forum :P


True, but we sadly don't have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.

Brainwave: we should have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.


Jose Mourinho wrote:The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.


Spoiler: show
Image
Starky
User avatar
Jeremy Kyle's Illegitimate Son, Soon To Be Emasculated On His Show
 
Posts: 2805
Joined: Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:41 pm
Location: HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG
Highscores: 6

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