This is the forum for music, TV, film and suchlike. Private forms of entertainment are to be taken to random, or just not posted.

Re: Cooking/baking

Postby Starky » Sun Oct 18, 2015 8:11 am

Mediocre cheesy fish

An old favourite. It's had various incarnations over the years. Garlic is a relatively new addition.

Ingredients

frozen fish (any kind, preferably a whole bit instead of several small pieces but that's not essential)
butter
milk
(cheddar) cheese
garlic
salt and pepper

Method

1. Defrost a decent-sized bit of frozen fish by putting it in a pot of cool water for a bit (once defrosted, put it on a plate and try to drain off any excess water).
2. Melt a decent slice of butter in a frying pan over medium heat. Add an appropriate amount of crushed/finely sliced garlic according to personal taste and fry for a couple of minutes or until aromatic.
3. Add fish and fry for roughly a minute-ish on each side - this just gets out any remaining water so you know how much milk to add.
4. Pour about 100ml of milk into the pan, stir fairly well. Cook for about 5-10 minutes and keep stirring every now and then.
5. When the fish is cooked-ish, turn the heat right down. Wait until there's no more bubbling or frothing, otherwise the sauce will curdle (nobody needs that).
6. Add more milk if needed, then add roughly 50g of cheese in small bits, or however much cheese you like and is required to thicken the sauce.
7. Stir gently for a couple of minutes until well-mixed and the sauce is about the consistency of double cream.
8. Season with pepper and (a bit of) salt. Taste. Add whatever you think is lacking.

Serve onto a heated plate straight from the pan. Best with skin-on boiled potatoes, carrots and/or peas and brown/wholemeal bread.

Wine-wise I would probably stick with sultanine, sauv blanc, pinot grigio, chardonnay blend, something like that.

I have been meaning to try adding mustard to the sauce (probably just after the initial milk) but I've never actually remembered to buy mustard for this purpose.
Iakobus1 wrote:
smr wrote:This is a thread I wasn't sure was exactly suitable for the "Sports" forum :P


True, but we sadly don't have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.

Brainwave: we should have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.


Jose Mourinho wrote:The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.


Spoiler: show
Image
Starky
User avatar
Jeremy Kyle's Illegitimate Son, Soon To Be Emasculated On His Show
 
Posts: 2805
Joined: Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:41 pm
Location: HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG
Highscores: 6

Re: Cooking/baking

Postby Starky » Thu Oct 29, 2015 11:44 am

Steamed rice

Cooking rice isn't hard, but I'm putting this here because it's probably the most consistently successful way of doing it (and it also sets up the next recipe nicely). You can add various things at the boiling stage for flavour - a fruit-flavoured green tea bag is my favourite.

Ingredients

basmati rice
water
salt

Method

1. Measure 1/3 of a teacup of rice for each person.
2. Rinse the rice well in sieve.
(optional) 3. Leave the rinsed rice in a pot of cold water for 20 minutes; while this isn't necessary, I think it improves the texture.
4. Place the rice in a pot and cover with boiling water. Salt lightly.
5. Boil on a medium-high heat (grains dancing around freely) for 5 minutes, then drain.
6. Fill the same pot a few centimetres with hot water and simmer.
7. Cover the rice in the sieve/colander with the lid from the pot, place over the pot and steam for about 10 minutes.
8. Serve immediately. It'll also stay hot for a while if your main dish is still needing time.

The result is light and goes with pretty much any food you'd usually have with rice. It's also good for the next thing, which is why I suggest making extra and fridging what's not eaten immediately.

------------------------------

Easy fried rice

It's the fried rice we all know and love, simplified.

Ingredients

leftover steamed rice (see above)
egg(s)
onion
mushroom
butter
olive oil
soy sauce
(salt, pepper, spices if you want)

Method

1. Melt a smallish slice of butter in a decent-sized frying pan and fry a handful each of sliced mushrooms and fairly thinly-chopped onion.
2. Scramble egg in the pan - two eggs per person if you're making this as a main dish, and one if it's a side - making sure to stir well and not have the heat too high.
3. Add the rice, a wee bit of olive oil and about a capful of soy sauce. Mix everything well. Season if you wish.
4. Stir-fry over a medium-high heat for a few minutes or until you think it's ready.

Perfect as a weekend breakfast by itself with a cup of tea, but also very good as a side dish at lunch or dinner.
Iakobus1 wrote:
smr wrote:This is a thread I wasn't sure was exactly suitable for the "Sports" forum :P


True, but we sadly don't have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.

Brainwave: we should have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.


Jose Mourinho wrote:The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.


Spoiler: show
Image
Starky
User avatar
Jeremy Kyle's Illegitimate Son, Soon To Be Emasculated On His Show
 
Posts: 2805
Joined: Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:41 pm
Location: HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG
Highscores: 6

Re: Cooking/baking

Postby Starky » Fri Jan 29, 2016 11:27 pm

Mushroom stroganoff

Most recipes you find for this demand sour cream which I've replaced with yoghurt: use sour cream instead if you like, but personally I don't see the point in buying it just for this, I always make it with natural yoghurt. Makes about 5 decent-size portions or 4 big ones.

Ingredients

butter
olive oil
750g-ish mushrooms (sliced or quartered)
1 large onion chopped to your liking
garlic, crushed
ground paprika
English mustard/generic squeezy hotdog mustard
chilli powder if desired
tomato paste
vegetable stock cube
200-300g natural yoghurt (full fat preferred)
water
salt and pepper if you insist
lemon to serve, sliced

Method

1. Wang a decent cut of butter into a large pot over medium heat; add the onions and stirfry for a few minutes to your liking; add the garlic and do same for another couple of minutes.
2. Chuck in your mushrooms with a good glug of olive oil and stirfry for a few minutes.
3. Add about 2tsp paprika, half-1tsp English mustard OR c.2tsp generic mustard, 2tsp tomato paste and chilli powder to taste. Remember that if you're using a hot English mustard less chilli is more, this is meant to be a mildly-spiced meal. Stir-fry for a couple more minutes.
4. Pour in about 200ml of water, crumble in your stock cube and mix it all up. Leave while you make rice.
5. Just before serving, turn off the heat and stir in about 200-300g natural yoghurt. Full fat is best but I reckon low fat would also work alright.
6. Serve with basmati rice, steamed spinach, lemon slices and a fruity white.
Iakobus1 wrote:
smr wrote:This is a thread I wasn't sure was exactly suitable for the "Sports" forum :P


True, but we sadly don't have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.

Brainwave: we should have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.


Jose Mourinho wrote:The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.


Spoiler: show
Image
Starky
User avatar
Jeremy Kyle's Illegitimate Son, Soon To Be Emasculated On His Show
 
Posts: 2805
Joined: Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:41 pm
Location: HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG
Highscores: 6

Re: Cooking/baking

Postby Starky » Sun Feb 07, 2016 7:19 pm

Blue cheese sauce

Quantities are a bit vague because it depends on how thick you want it, what kind of pan you're using and what you're serving it with.

Ingredients

small amount of onion, diced as finely as you can be bothered
olive oil
20g-ish blue cheese (whatever's cheap)
50ml-ish milk
generic squeezy mustard
pepper
garlic if you like

Method

1. Fry a wee bit of finely diced onion in a splash of olive oil in a smallish pan. Add garlic if you like but I don't think it really needs it if you cba.
2. Turn the heat down a bit and add about 50ml milk. Crumble in about 20g blue cheese. Stir well over a low heat until the cheese melts in.
3. After melting the cheese through, sprinkle in some pepper and about 1/2 or 1 teaspoon of mustard. Pinch of salt if your tastebuds require such. Stir.
4. Turn the heat up a bit and bubble for a couple of minutes while continuing to stir.
5. Pour over pasta/meat/fish.
Iakobus1 wrote:
smr wrote:This is a thread I wasn't sure was exactly suitable for the "Sports" forum :P


True, but we sadly don't have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.

Brainwave: we should have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.


Jose Mourinho wrote:The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.


Spoiler: show
Image
Starky
User avatar
Jeremy Kyle's Illegitimate Son, Soon To Be Emasculated On His Show
 
Posts: 2805
Joined: Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:41 pm
Location: HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG
Highscores: 6

Re: Cooking/baking

Postby Starky » Tue Feb 16, 2016 10:03 am

Chips

Even the most lacklustre cook like me knows how to make chips, but this is a slightly different way of doing it which gives better or at least more consistent results than just wanging them into a pan/deep fryer. Preparation is almost as important as the cooking itself.

Ingredients

potatoes (longer, thinner ones are best - some people swear by Maris Piper but I really don't think the variety makes any difference)
oil (sunflower, corn, olive or olive pomace) or lard
salt

Preparation

1. Take 2 smallish or one larger potato per person and lightly scrub off any dirt under the cold tap with a vegetable brush. Do not peel and try to remove the minimum possible amount of skin while cleaning (this is important).
2. Cut your potatoes into roughly finger-thick slices.

Method

1. Put your chips into a suitably-sized pot, cover with boiling water, add a bit of salt, then bring back to the boil.
2. Boil for about 5 minutes, or until chips fall off a fork when picked up by one.
3. Drain well with a sieve or colander and leave to cool for a few minutes.
4. Heat a decent amount of lard/oil (roughly double the amount you'd normally use to shallow-fry bacon or eggs) in a large frying pan.
5. Carefully put the chips into the pan (slotted spoon helps).
6. Fry for about 5 minutes until crisp, moving them around here and there with a back and forth motion and/or a wooden spoon, then serve.

Comments

The result is more akin to a cross between wedges and chips, I suppose, but it's yummy nonetheless. You really need lard for full crispy deliciousness, but I think olive oil works fine as well.
Iakobus1 wrote:
smr wrote:This is a thread I wasn't sure was exactly suitable for the "Sports" forum :P


True, but we sadly don't have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.

Brainwave: we should have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.


Jose Mourinho wrote:The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.


Spoiler: show
Image
Starky
User avatar
Jeremy Kyle's Illegitimate Son, Soon To Be Emasculated On His Show
 
Posts: 2805
Joined: Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:41 pm
Location: HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG
Highscores: 6

Re: Cooking/baking

Postby Starky » Thu Feb 18, 2016 12:36 pm

Coddle?
Iakobus1 wrote:
smr wrote:This is a thread I wasn't sure was exactly suitable for the "Sports" forum :P


True, but we sadly don't have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.

Brainwave: we should have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.


Jose Mourinho wrote:The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.


Spoiler: show
Image
Starky
User avatar
Jeremy Kyle's Illegitimate Son, Soon To Be Emasculated On His Show
 
Posts: 2805
Joined: Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:41 pm
Location: HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG
Highscores: 6

Re: Cooking/baking

Postby Starky » Sun Feb 28, 2016 11:12 am

Tabula

Considerable debate exists as to whether the salt and olive oil ought to be added immediately before serving or before refrigerating, but I don't think it really matters. Fiddle about with the ingredients and quantities; you can also do it with lentils or barley but that requires actually cooking stuff.

Ingredients

c.100g cracked wheat
1 decent-size cucumber, chopped into fairly small bits
(optional) 2 spring onions/cibies, diced
(optional) garlic to taste, minced
parsley, chopped
1 tomato, chopped
salt and pepper
lemon juice
fresh mint, chopped
olive oil

Method

1. Rinse your wheat under the cold tap in a sieve for a bit, then put it in a bowl and cover with about 250ml boiling water (quantity of water can vary; best to start with less and add more if need be later).
2. Soak for 30 minutes, then drain and squeeze out excess water as you can be bothered.
3. In a mixing bowl, combine the wheat, tomatoes, cucumbers, cibies and garlic if using, parsley, mint to taste, about a teaspoon of pepper and juice of about 1 or 2 lemons (don't overdo it with the lemon).
4. Mix well. If possible, refrigerate for at least an hour to intermingle the flavours.
5. Add a pinch of salt and a really good glug of olive oil, then mix again and serve.

Comments

Serve with bread and have it as a drinking snack when people come over; it's filling and yummy, but also hydrating and pretty healthy.
Iakobus1 wrote:
smr wrote:This is a thread I wasn't sure was exactly suitable for the "Sports" forum :P


True, but we sadly don't have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.

Brainwave: we should have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.


Jose Mourinho wrote:The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.


Spoiler: show
Image
Starky
User avatar
Jeremy Kyle's Illegitimate Son, Soon To Be Emasculated On His Show
 
Posts: 2805
Joined: Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:41 pm
Location: HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG
Highscores: 6

Re: Cooking/baking

Postby Starky » Sun Mar 06, 2016 7:10 am

Coddle.

Coddle

Ingredients

500g pork sausages (not low fat)
c.200g bacon, sliced into about 3cm strips
2 onions, chopped
4-5 potatoes, skin on, quartered/sliced
(optional) paprika
stock cube
pepper

Method

1. Slice longer sausages into two bits. Put them, the bacon and the onion into a good size pot, cover completely with boiling water (maybe about 300ml, roughly) and crumble in a stock cube of your preferred flavour.
2. Bring back to the boil, stirring well, and boil for 5 minutes.
3. Chuck the potatoes in and reduce the heat. Add a teaspoon of paprika if you like.
4. Simmer for about 45 minutes to an hour, stirring every now and then.
5. Stir in some pepper and serve.

Comments

Like molokhia, this is one that benefits from the "less is more" approach: I've had some attempts that were practically inedible. The paprika in this version is just there for colour; it's completely optional.

If possible, you should serve it with soda bread and a decent porter/stout, but failing that it's also good with brown/wholewheat bread and wheat beer.
Iakobus1 wrote:
smr wrote:This is a thread I wasn't sure was exactly suitable for the "Sports" forum :P


True, but we sadly don't have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.

Brainwave: we should have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.


Jose Mourinho wrote:The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.


Spoiler: show
Image
Starky
User avatar
Jeremy Kyle's Illegitimate Son, Soon To Be Emasculated On His Show
 
Posts: 2805
Joined: Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:41 pm
Location: HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG
Highscores: 6

Re: Cooking/baking

Postby Iakobus1 » Mon Mar 07, 2016 7:27 pm

500g pork sausages (not low fat)


Never low fat.
Most Deadly
Mostly Harmless
Iakobus1
KHAAAAAAN!
 
Posts: 1397
Joined: Sat Apr 11, 2009 1:15 am
Location: In the wind, so to speak
Highscores: 8

Re: Cooking/baking

Postby Starky » Mon Mar 21, 2016 1:06 pm

Beer-battered fish

That's right - there's no reason why you shouldn't make a delicious, crispy fish supper at home all by yourself. This makes two portions.

Ingredients

2 decent-sized fish fillets (whatever's cheap and sustainable - supermarket value frozen is usually perfect, but defrost first)
beer (any, lager's standard, but preferably not supermarket value here)
plain flour
baking powder
vegetable oil, olive oil (whatever's reasonably priced - not extra virgin) or lard
salt and pepper if you like

Method

1. Measure about 100g of plain flour into a decent-sized bowl. Add about a teaspoon of baking powder and about 125ml beer. Mix well with a whisk until you've got a nice gloopy, thick batter.
2. Pat the fish dry with a paper towel and then dust it with flour. You can season it with salt and pepper but I usually don't bother.
3. Heat about 3 tablespoons of oil/lard in a good-sized frying pan.
4. Coat your fish well in the batter and add it to the pan. It helps to hold the batter bowl with one hand right next to the pan, coat the fish with the other then put it straight into the pan; this way you minimise drippage.
5. Fry for about 2-3 minutes on each side, or until golden brown.
6. Remove from the pan and keep warm on a plate in the oven (or microwave if you've got one with a keep warm setting) while you reuse the pan to make chips.
7. Serve with lemon slices and/or tartare sauce.

Comments/suggestions

Yum. My favourite version is to use wheat beer for the batter. You could also try a lemon/lime-infused beer.

Try switching in (reasonably sustainable) basa fillets instead of pollock/hake if you can find it cheaply. They have a distinct, meaty flavour - it's an acquired taste but great with a wheat beer batter if you've acquired it.
Iakobus1 wrote:
smr wrote:This is a thread I wasn't sure was exactly suitable for the "Sports" forum :P


True, but we sadly don't have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.

Brainwave: we should have a "Furious Masturbation" forum.


Jose Mourinho wrote:The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.


Spoiler: show
Image
Starky
User avatar
Jeremy Kyle's Illegitimate Son, Soon To Be Emasculated On His Show
 
Posts: 2805
Joined: Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:41 pm
Location: HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG
Highscores: 6

PreviousNext
Forum Statistics

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

Options

Return to Entertainment

cron