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Cards Against Humanity

Postby smr » Mon Dec 10, 2012 12:30 am

Cards Against Humanity is a party game where you are randomly dealt a hand of white cards and one person picks a random black card with a question on it. The players must reply with their funniest white card. Funniest reply of them all wins the round.

For example, randomly selected:
1: What's the next Happy Meal toy? A defective condom
2: The clitoris is a slippery slope that leads to Coat hanger abortions
3: What's the next Happy Meal toy? Judge Judy
4: That's how I want to die. A murder most foul
5: The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. + Pixelated bukkake = Passing a kidney stone
6: Making a pouty face. High five, bro
7: Why can't I sleep at night? Swooping
8: What did Vin Diesel eat for dinner? Edible underpants
9: What will always get you laid? Chutzpah
11: This is the way the world ends \ This is the way the world ends \ Not with a bang but with Autocannibalism
12: I do not know what weapons World War III will be fought with but World War IV will be fought with Riding off into the sunset
13: In the new Disney Channel Original Movie, Hannah Montana struggles with Preteens for the first time
14: I'm sorry, Professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because of Asians who aren't good at math
15: I'm sorry, Professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because of Same-sex ice dancing
16: What's the next superhero / sidekick duo? Catapults
17: How did I lose my virginity? Date rape
18: White people like Civilian casualties
19: What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard? Attitude
20: That's how I want to die. A lifetime of sadness
21: In the new Disney Channel Original Movie, Hannah Montana struggles with Rush Limbaugh's soft, shitty body for the first time
22: Why can't I sleep at night? A hot mess
23: Why can't I sleep at night? A defective condom
24: Smallpox blankets. High five, bro
25: I drink to forget Agriculture
26: While the United States raced the Soviet Union to the Moon, the Mexican government funnelled millions of pesos into research on A stray pube
27: What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard? Natural male enhancement
28: That's how I want to die. Land mines
29: When Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a Plague of A mopey zoo lion
30: Step 1: A good sniff. Step 2: Racism. Step 3: Profit
31: What's the new fad diet? Kanye West
32: The class field trip was completely ruined by Another goddamn vampire movie
33: After the earthquake, Sean Penn brought Ethnic cleansing to the people of Haiti
34: What's the new fad diet? Winking at old people
35: Kids with ass cancer. Betcha can't have just one!
36: Studies show that lab rats navigate mazes 50% faster after being exposed to: My humps
37: While the United States raced the Soviet Union to the Moon, the Mexican government funnelled millions of pesos into research on Capturing Newt Gingrich and forcing him to dance in a monkey suit
38: When I was tripping on acid, The Hamburglar turned into A thermonuclear detonation
39: What's Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed? Vigilante justice
40: War! What is it good for? Sexting
41: What will always get you laid? Child abuse
42: What's the new fad diet? Famine
43: What's Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed? Dry heaving
44: Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS
45: When I was tripping on acid, Shapeshifters turned into Genghis Khan
46: That's right, I killed Sexual tension. How, you ask? An Oedipus complex
47: When I am President of the United States, I will create the Department of A robust mongoloid
48: What's the next Happy Meal toy? Pixelated bukkake
49: In Michael Jackson's final moments, he thought about Passable transvestites
50: Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Crystal meth
51: This is the way the world ends \ This is the way the world ends \ Not with a bang but with Fear itself
52: What did I bring back from Mexico? A micropenis
53: Dear Abby, I'm having some trouble with My inner demons and would like your advice
54: I got 99 problems but A zesty breakfast burrito ain't one
55: Daddy, why is mommy crying? Old-people smell
56: Why am I sticky? RoboCop
57: I never truly understood Heartwarming orphans until I encountered Obesity
58: What's the most emo? Embryonic stem cells
59: Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Seppuku
60: When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate Pterodactyl eggs
61: An Oedipus complex. Betcha can't have just one!
62: What's the most emo? My relationship status
63: Justin Bieber is a slippery slope that leads to A bag of magic beans
64: When I am President of the United States, I will create the Department of The Underground Railroad
65: A sad handjob: good to the last drop
66: But before I kill you, Mr. Bond, I must show you An Oedipus complex
67: What ended my last relationship? Free samples
68: Rumour has it that Vladimir Putin's favourite delicacy is Cuddling stuffed with Leprosy
69: Vikings : good to the last drop
70: Why am I sticky? Bill Bye the Science Guy
71: Lifetime presents Teenage pregnancy the story of Centaurs
72: During his childhood, Salvador Dali produced hundreds of paintings of Dead babies
73: What gives me uncontrollable gas? Overcompensation
74: What do old people smell like? A tiny horse
75: Arnold Schwarzenegger: kid-tested, mother-approved
76: And the Academy Award for Horrifying laser hair removal accidents goes to Historically black colleges
77: Why can't I sleep at night? Scientology
78: Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's A death ray
79: When Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a Plague of The terrorists
80: What's a girl's best friend? Bees?
81: But before I kill you, Mr. Bond, I must show you Heteronormativity
82: What never fails to liven up the party? Capturing Newt Gingrich and forcing him to dance in a monkey suit
83: BILLY MAYS HERE FOR The Force
84: Instead of Coal Santa now gives the bad children MechaHitler
85: What did the US airdrop to the children of Afghanistan Child beauty pageants
86: What gets better with age? Dying of dysentry
87: It's a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with Sniffing glue
88: What's the new fad diet? The Make-A-Wish Foundation
89: TSA guidelines now prohibit The Three-Fifths compromise on airplanes
90: African children An asymmetric boob job. High five, bro
91: How did I lose my virginity? Opposable thumbs
92: I never truly understood Old-people smell until I encountered Classist undertones
93: When Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a Plague of Poor people
94: The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History has just opened an interactive exhibit on The violation of our most basic human rights
95: Dear Abby, I'm having some trouble with The true meaning of Christmas and would like your advice
96: What will always get you laid? Centaurs
97: I do not know what weapons World War III will be fought with but World War IV will be fought with Grave robbing
98: Crippling debt + Chunks of dead prostitute = Fear itself
99: During sex, I like to think about Same-sex ice dancing
100: The class field trip was completely ruined by The KKK
I am either ridiculously impressed with voice recognition or completely baffled.

"Dive Source SCUBA Watersports" Did you mean, Dinosaurs School for Watersports?

No. But please take me there, smartphone.


We see this kind of shit in Wales all the time.

I like this. I like how you handled this. You could've come right out and been "Some guy cunted that sheep," but you went subtle.
smr
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